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12th August 2007

8:56pm: i'm so fucking tired. i dont know what to do with myself anymore. 
people fucking treat me like shit and i cant say anything about it. 
i think my family has completely forgotten i exsist...and only have temporary relapse of memory when they need something from me. 
i wish it were september already, i wish i was in phoenix.

5th June 2007

3:56pm: my sleep schedule is alll fucked up. i find it soo hard to live off of 4 in a half hours of sleep everyday. today i came home comepletely forgot to do my homework took off my shirt(because it was too freaking hott.) and fell asleep on the sofa. i just woke up at 3;30 remembering i didnt have a clean uniform for work today. fuck i feel crappy and all iwant to do is sleep.

16th May 2007

12:08am:

i really dont want to....

but

your really tempting me

8th May 2007

12:00am: i'm really fucking tired. 
i hate being broke. 
boys suck bigger ass then ever. 
the quince is coming up...i cant wait for it. 
her movie still isnt done but o well i have tomorrow off.. plus its payday

at this moment i wish i were a raindrop.

19th February 2007

8:28pm: dont worry about me. 
i've been down this road before 
this scene is not old or new
i ramble on about the pains of heart
my eyes glaze over 
into a deep sleep

new life awaits 
time to forgive
to remember
to repent
let me not be vindictive
let me grow old and wise

my eyes glazed
i watch the liers
speaking in circles
YOU i say
YOU shouldnt be trusted
everyone deserves a chance

the warning was clear
your chances worn through
walk away 
without a word
you know your charges
payment is due.

17th January 2007

5:53pm: an unresonably large portion of my heart is hurting right now.
i dont understand where all these feelings come from. 
its so redundant. i always always always manage to fall for the same guy in a different body. 
i think its because they are all so passionate. 
its like all there faults disappear when we kiss. 
but now i'm lost and confused. i havent been in this situation in a long time. 
it fucking hurts. and i know in the end i'll feel like i did in the past and hate myself for falling for the same old tricks. 
i just dont know how to pick them. 
my "type" 
1. egotistical
2. womanizer
3. great kisser
4. has some sort of vice (smoking drinking sex...whatever)
5. passionate...its a must....

16th January 2007

10:25am: i heard the most amazing thing the other day while at work. 
an older man was talking to this woman in one of the booths and i dont know what she said but he turned to her and said,"the reason i wake up everyday is because i know that i make a difference in one persons life....at least one. and just knowing that i can make one person smile a day is all the motivation in the world." 
i wanted to stop and hug him. 
its so true. 
look at all the people you know. 
out of all those people at least one of them is always happy to see you.

11th January 2007

10:09pm:

i dont understand why it takes me forever to realize i like someone. 
why is it so hard to tell that person?

i guess i'm afraid. 
it always works out the same. 
you tell that person,
even though they dont like you
they take the opportunity to lead you on to thinking they do,
and then 
rip your heart out of your chest...or at least thats just how it feels. 

i wont tell him. 
its pretty much pointless. 
hes the type of guy to pull that crap. 

i've had one too many. 

6th January 2007

12:24am: wow i'm incredibly torn apart... this week is becoming such an emotional roller coaster. 

sometimes i just want to turn around and say fuck it all. 
everyday there is one person that i encounter that reminds me of all the ugly in the world. 
all the hate
all the sadness
today was just too much. i feel totally embarassed and if it were up to me i would quit. 
i'm not a quitter. i've met too many great people at work to let one person ruin it. 
i want a vacation. i want to go to LA. 
i dont want to come back till i'm ready. 
till i feel i'm totally cleansed
till i know i can face the world without fear or doubt. 

i'm glad to have such great friends. i dont drop names but you know i appreciate you. 
my confidants. my shoulders to cry. the non drinking drinking buddy. 
you are all amazing.

30th December 2006

1:15am: things to expect from the new year
  1. new adventures
  2. new <3's
  3. leaving el paso...maybe?
  4. moving out
  5. paying off all my debts
  6. party party party.

this is if all things go as planned. 
i have a lot going on 
i cant wait for 2007
fun fun fun. 
i'm craving a gansito.

25th December 2006

8:05pm:

Merry
Christmas.
i hope you all get what you want. 
or at least what you deserve.

18th December 2006

2:53pm: i dont want to tie you down. 

i'm truely excited for this new year. i know it will be great. 
my claire is going to have a monster of her own. a beautiful baby girl. 
i want to get out of town for a while. anywhere. before school starts again. 
i think i'm getting a lump of coal. my parents still hate me. 
i hope theres a new cell phone lying next to that lump o' coal. 
someone take me dancing.

i want to tie you up.

6th December 2006

11:27pm:

things are akward
i really just want to start all over again.
maybe this time it will work 
maybe i have high hope

save room for my love

save room for a moment to be with me

3rd September 2006

12:50am:

i finally have my car! 
she is beautiful. 
yay for my own transportation!
school is interesting.
meeting new people. seeing people from like middle/ elementry school. 
weird. 

i'm excited.

18th August 2006

10:49pm:

will it ever get better? today we found all this out
my youngest sister has a blood disease 
Von Willebrans
my dad has diabetes
and i found a lump in my right breast
for the next two weeks i have to lay off the 
caffine 
and 
chocolate
i'm so pissed
if it doesnt go away
mammogram

i miss my old friends

20th March 2006

5:25pm: well this weekend was...eventful.
friday...small shindig....big fun...no details.
saturday...spent all morning in the trampoline recovering and reminiscing...
went to my nino and ninas house...ale and christian get stomach virus.
sunday...went to mall...came home...sammy has strange aniexty episode...
she sleeps with me....shes only 7yrs old...i got a call from the marine...he's in cali back from iraq...he'll be here in a month.
today...take sammy to pediatrician...acid reflux and strepthroat.

for the next few days/weeks i can only expect to get a stomach virus and strep...i dont want to go back to school...spring break should be 3wks...

15th March 2006

1:33pm: NATIONAL QUALIFIERS!

12th March 2006

5:25pm: "Grow up and blow away!"... "if this is the life why does it feel so good to die today?"
well steph and i are going to nationals!

6th March 2006

5:37pm:

damn i'm in love with south padre. 
everthing is sooo clean and beautiful. i already decided i am going back there for the summer. 
the state tournament was okay we learned a whole bunch of stuff and now i have to start preping for NFL. 
i didnt want to come back to el paso i loved being able to do whatever i wanted and being away from my family. i'm ready to move out of my house and be on my own, all i need is a job. 
the flight back was the most depressing thing i new nothing was going to make me happy. 
going back to school was a fucking drag, i was miserable all day. 
i cant believe how fucking immature and ignorant some people are. 
TO THE WRESTLERS: YOU BOYS ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKING PIGS AND I HOPE ONE DAY IN THE NEAR FUTURE KARMA TAKES A GOOD STAB AT YOU.

26th February 2006

9:20pm: the lucksmiths.
There Is A Boy That Never Goes Out

Put the radiator on – it’s freezing
I’m coming over later on this evening
And leave the television off
At least until the conversation’s run its course

“Ba-ba-bada-ba-ba” goes the backing vocal
I’m trying not to be so antisocial
Truth be told, I’m not entirely hopeful
I’ve woken up on one too many floors
But my favourite was yours

It’s freezing this evening...

11th February 2006

8:40pm:

who took first place CX????
thats right...Alegria and Super Steph!
and who took top speaker???
o yeah Super Steph
and who got a scholarship for debate???
ME!!!!!
AND ALL IN TWO DAYS

7th February 2006

6:21pm: i need to make a list of all the defective ones.
there are quite a few of you.
again i find myself running in circles. i dont know how to prevent this anymore.

spring is on its way. i'm excited.
i'm terrified of graduation. my mom is poking ass ordering my cap and gown.
what will i do with my life?

31st January 2006

4:48pm:

no school for me today.

it was nice spending the day away from my sisters and not having to do work.

those daycare kids are great. this one christian just wouldnt let me go. i wanted to take him home.

i've been thinking a lot lately. i dont really know what about.

i guess just things i need to get done before graduation.

and that one thing that constantly on my mind....those questions never get answered.

i honestly have no idea why i still post here. no one reads this.

25th January 2006

9:13pm:

so my current state of mind is confused.
what are we?
is this all we'll ever be about? nothing more?
i just need that little bit of clarification.

i got my grades...my parents are not happy.
i cant wait till they get my phone bill...then they'll be...well even less happy.
o well i leave you with this.

 

a year from now- across five aprilsCollapse )

18th January 2006

9:09pm: i need a new something. i dont know what. but i know i need something new in my life.
something i can explore and discover billions of new things inside of.
i wish this mystery thing had a name...maybe it will find me.

my dad tattooed my sisters and my name on his chest its beautiful.
i dont think i've ever felt more special.

o i know i didnt update the day of...but i went to see bradley hathaway and night of the wrecking ball.
it was fabulous. im madly in love with his words and his sparatic movements.
night of the wrecking ball was amazing as always. their music says so much without words at all.
i smiled the whole time i was there.
my face hurt when i left.
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